Episode 04:How motherhood can be stress and frazzle free (and whatever you want it to be)-with Kendra Hennessy
Kendra Hennessy is a mom coach and strategist at “Mother like a Boss”
She helps women become home maker-ish in the 21st century and focuses on mindset and strategy to get moms organized.
Deeper issues often come into play when looking at a clean and organized household
We are all “homemakers!”. Kendra helps moms DO IT all and ENJOY it all.
She works one on one with moms over the course of a month. Assesses each woman’s unique “issues” separately. Does everything from helping women get the toy room uncluttered to helping create meal planning and digging deep into childhood issues that may be contributing to current situation.
Motherhood doesn’t have to be frazzled. Motherhood can be kept simple and stress free with the right strategies and systems in place-Kendra can figure out where is the breakdown in systems in your life. Motherhood CAN be stress and frazzle free.
Systems help you become more calm, more collected. No more playing catch up from the day before.
Sunit and Kendra talk about perfection in motherhood-you CAN be a perfect mom as long as you stop comparing yourself to others. Perfect is whatever you want it to be, decide whats important to you and then do it.
Perfectionism gets a weird “rap”. There are contradicting sayings out there. “Nobody’s perfect”. But “practice makes perfect”. No wonder moms are confused and overwhelmed. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Avoid comparing yourself to others like THE PLAGUE.
Kendra and Sunit say, before your baby is born, decide how you want your life to look and what you are willing to do to get there! Overwhelm is caused by wanting something but not wiling to work to get there. If you want a “martha stewart” perfect home..you can have it. You have to work for it. Do what gives you joy. “There are as many ways to mom, as moms in the world”. Change your expectations and progress and evolve as a mom. That’s perfect too! Do not use perfectionism as a coping mechanism OR a defense mechanism. Women try to DEFEND the fact they’re not living a perfect life. Deep rooted issues in your childhood can cause your issues with “perfectionism” now. Ie)all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It can be whatever you want it to be.
Sunit talks about the fact that she didn’t even baby proof because she likes her living space to be clutter free and clear. She asks Kendra if everyone thrives in a cleared out space or if everyone is different. Kendra says that even people who think they love ALL THE THINGS don’t realize how much they will actually benefit from de cluttering until they do it. Clutter in your mind is affected by physical clutter in your life. From her experience, Kendra sees that for the vast majority of people, having less clutter-the more peaceful your life tends to be and the less stressed you are.
Doing it yourself is better than having someone do it for you. It’s best to learn the system and do it right the first time to avoid Boomerang clutter! (clutter that comes back).
Kendra’s biggest tip:Have a home for everything. (Homelessness is the best friend of clutter because then it requires a temporary space). Then you won’t have to worry about losing stuff or random things cluttering your space.
For new moms:it’s so tempting to want all the things and cute baby knick knacks but it’s dangerous because it can take over your home. Ask a veteran mom “what did you actually use?” so that you are not just buying random stuff.
Have stations in different parts of your house so you always have supplies in the areas you’re using them (i.e. a diaper change station on every floor-this can also avoid overwhelm).
Take care of YOURSELF whether you had a baby yesterday or 15 years ago. Be #1. When you are not at 100% you can’t give your best to your family. Throw away the guilt over taking care of you. It’s ok to be #1. Your kids will be better for it.
Sunit says that’s why she started this podcast is to encourage women to start thinking about this before babies come.
Sunit recommends the book “How to have your Second child first”-by Kerry Colburn & Rob Sorenson
Kendra’s one piece of advice: Be really true to yourself. Think of what values you want to instill in your kids. Not what you saw on pinterest or what your neighbours are doing. And then be whatever kind of mom YOU want to be. Show up as YOUR best authentic self.
Kendra shares something about her SELF that she holds onto:she has not given up her radio and tv shows that she loves. She knew she didn’t want to give them up because she would feel deprived. She also gets her hair done every 4 weeks without fail. She decided what’s important to her and stays true to that.
You can see what she is up to at her website -there is a FREE tutorial video on avoiding boomerang clutter!
The book Sunit references in the show is “How to Have your Second Child First” by Kerry Colburn. Available here!
Want to continue the conversation and be a part of an inspiring community of new and expecting moms and those who serve them? Join our Facebook group here!