Mourning

So it’s been almost a month since I last posted. For a few weeks now, I have wanted to do a post on spring/summer fashion and my top picks for the season, but recently, 5 members of my husband’s extended family were killed in a tragic car accident. To write about fashion at a time when my family is suffering for their loss, seems trivial.

At a time like this, you learn that you mourn not for those that have passed, but for those that remain. For those that lost something. We sit here on earth and sob whole heartedly for our emptiness. We weep for what will no longer be. For the companionship we will never have again, for the voices we will never hear again, for the little comforts we will never indulge in again. The reality is that we grieve for ourselves. Those that have passed are in a better place. A happier place. I have visions of these people dancing and laughing in slow motion, in a place brighter than the sun, where you don’t have to wear sunglasses. It is us, their loved ones, who are left behind in this hell on earth. I think that truly is hell, when you are left on earth, mourning the loss of those you loved the most. If you can imagine for one second what it would be like to lose your mother, or your daughter, or your sister, or your wife, or your children. Our family lost all of those in one second. A devastating loss that cannot be imagined. Whether you are the man who lost generations of your namesakes, or the man who lost your mother, sister, wife and children. How do you ever get past this? I don’t think you do. The pain might fade but the memories never do. The hurt might become dull but the longing to embrace your family lingers endlessly. In an instant, your life is changed forever. These are the times you wonder “why?” “Why me? Why US?” If you believe in God, you have to believe in a higher power. A more intelligent and complicated reason for losing EVERYTHING. Instead of asking “Why?” ask “Why NOT?” What kept me here over them? Every day I get in my car to go to work, or run an errand, I don’t think for a second that I may not return. I take those times for granted.

In the last 2 weeks, when my husband and I have been mourning with our family, we took solace in the short time we could come home to put our boys to bed every night. Seeing them took the hurt away, if only for a few moments, but also reminded us of what has been lost. Innocent lives, 2 of whom were small children. We don’t need to be reminded that every day is precious. Every moment is a gift. We already know this and yet most of us do not live in the present. Today, I challenge you to take a look at your life, your loved ones, and even those that are no longer in your life. If they were gone tomorrow, how would you feel? Would you wish you had done anything differently? Would you have any regrets? The last few years of my life have been ones of incredible growth for many reasons. I am proud to say that, for the most part I feel I have made peace with anything I was not at peace with before. If I were to be gone tomorrow, I feel good knowing that the people I love, know how much I do. Those who are not a part of my life any longer? Well, I feel good knowing that I made an effort with them and there’s not much more I can do about that. All I can do is live every day to its fullest. Spend time showering my husband and kids with love and affection. Steal delicious kisses from my sweet boys. Gab with my sister on the patio over a bottle of wine, or look forward to my next trip back to Calgary where I moved from, so I can catch up with all my friends in person, or laugh hysterically at a Friends rerun. The list goes on and on and on. I have everything I need in my life, and the only thing I can do to make it better is appreciate it more and do what I can to fix what’s broken.

I am thankful to have this blog where I can express myself and am thankful for the people who come on this journey with me. If my post today made you stop for a moment and think of everything you are so thankful for, then I did what I set out to do today:)

Thanks for popping by everyone, have a fabulous weekend!